that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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