Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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