Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
