I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
