How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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