oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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