We're facebook friends in real life
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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