Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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