Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
