In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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