so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
