he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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