I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
