I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
