My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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