It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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