things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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