For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Please don't give away my fajitas
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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