hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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