How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
