your room smells of hookers.
And success
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
sarcasm needs its own font
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
