It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
