C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
