i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
