So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
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We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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