Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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