I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
