we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
