come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
