i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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