i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
