addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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