You can't motorboat a personality
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
