dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize