a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
