i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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