Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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