I bet he comes in French.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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