Need sex. Gaining weight.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
