her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
