Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
