Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
