i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
