No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
