His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
