is your mom at the bar?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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