Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
