textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
