WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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