I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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