her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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