so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I deserve this hangover.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
