I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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