I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
