I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
