Who did Billy Mays play for?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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