rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
