I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
