She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
