I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
