Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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