I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
