$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
