just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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