I wish I could punch you in the face.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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