Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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