I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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