they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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