Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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