life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i would punch a child for taco bell
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Randomize
