Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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