you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
