It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
