Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
